Classroom test feedback.
L3 popular culture. Part two (part one was a few weeks back)
Sorry about the delay.
To help you prepare for
your January exam, here are some comments on your classroom test: strong points
and weak points from different students.
In this post I take examples
from the afternoon group, who were asked:
Must
visual art be elitist? Discuss, giving a number of examples from the history of
artists and artistic institutions and programmes in Britain.
This question is broadly
similar to the question dealt with by the morning group.
If I use a quote from
your work to explain what not to do, please do not take it personally!
Today’s post is only
going to talk about the first sentence! The first sentence is always important
because it gives the initial impression. You may begin with a quote if
you then show the link with the question. A general reformulation of the
question is fine:
J Artists, governments and other
interested parties have much discussed how to make sure that art is widely
accessible.
[Note that the reformulation adds something : it announces that what
artists do and what governments do will be part of the discussion]
Or you may begin with a
question, which reformulates the question.
J Is
visual art only for the highly educated élite ?
[Note that the reformulation adds something : it reminds us that it
is more an educated elite than a moneyed elite who are most in contact with
visual art.]
Your first sentence may
be general, but not too general. So the following are not good.
- Through the centuries
and over the whole world, art has been constantly developing.
- Visual art is one of
the most common forms of art in today’ society.
- Art has
questioned and developed from the moment it appeared to nowadays.
- Over the years,
culture and art have developed in Britain.
Absolutely avoid
expressions such as “since the beginning of humanity”. This was five million
years ago, and we do not know very much about it. Similarly, be extremely
careful not to say that any social phenomenon “has always existed”. [It has not]
The first sentence should
not, either, be too specific ( although too general is worse).
- The Second World War
brought a number of major changes to Western societies.
The question given, “Must
visual art be elitist?” was chosen so as to allow you to show that you can
evaluate and weigh up arguments and facts. You should not be surprised, then,
to find that the answer is not simple. If your answer says, in essence, “Yes, all visual art is
always and everywhere inevitably elitist,” then you have given an
over-simple answer, which is not good. Similarly, if you answer “Art belongs to everyone
and everyone”. So, do not use a first sentence which solves the
problem before you have discussed it, like these do:
- Visual art is,
basically, meant to be seen and understood by everyone.
- Visual art has always
been something more or less elitist in history.
[Both of these sentences
express mistaken ideas. Some artists are pleased, and think it is important, to
produce work which can only be understood by an informed minority. Also, art
throughout history and indeed prehistory, is extremely varied. Were cave
paintings elitist? ]
Your job is to analyse
and explore: what aspects of visual art in Britain might be considered elitist,
what artists and institutions have done about this, whether it was successful
or not, and so on. Your personal or moral opinion is very much secondary: you
are to evaluate the different arguments rather than to polemicize. If you wish
to give your personal opinion, you may do so *at the end* of the essay.
Therefore, this first sentence is problematic:
- Visual art should not be elitist.
Similarly, avoid words
such as “unfortunately”. Your job is not really to be happy or sad here.
Do be careful, too, with
the register of language. It should not be too informal. Errors of register are
not as serious as errors of grammar or content, but even so, care should be
taken. These first sentences are too informal, for example:
- What an open question!
- When it comes to art,
people tend to say that it is not for them.
Two language points
Register: should not too informal.
Contractions
Do not use contractions in university
work. In university work, there is one thing you should not use: contractions.
Contractions are not used in university work.
The word “evolution” in English is
generally used for extremely slow change.
J The evolution of mammals over the last twelve million years.
J The evolution of the British parliamentary system since
the fifteenth century.
Shorter term changes are best expressed with a verb like “to
develop”.
J The development of contemporary art since the Second
World War.
Today I have only
spoken of the first sentence, but I am sure you understand the importance of
the approach.
In a few days
there will be another post – probably about the structure or about the introduction.
The important thing is not to follow very rigid rules about the structure, it
is that that you need a structure and an introduction which allow you to
discuss the question in a balanced and sufficiently sophisticated manner.
